I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
