Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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