they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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