at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
be right there i have to get my cape
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
