That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
