At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
