Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
