I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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