So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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