i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
