Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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