if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
