I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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