And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
