he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize