do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
