I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
