Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
