Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
