oh god the rape fog is back!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
