yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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