Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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