didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
