If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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