You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
