as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
