did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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