She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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