i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
