His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
