You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
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I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
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We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.