I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
