it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..