they're staring at me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was