Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Randomize
Follow @tfln