you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
