I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
