i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Randomize
