Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
