I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i will never coherently bang her
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
