I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
