She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
