Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
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My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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