So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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