dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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