Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
