I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
