god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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