I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
