I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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