i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
