dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
