I can text with my tongue
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
