True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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