Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
