and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
