i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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