Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize