I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize