mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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