i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
