My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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