So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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