Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
