We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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