Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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