Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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