so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
