Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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