Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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