the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
