you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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