i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
don't judge my taste in strippers
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
