it wasn't lemon gatorade
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
