I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
