So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
