do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
